there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize