I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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