just come out here and I will go home with you...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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