I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
