I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
