i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
