thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
well you can't waste a boner
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
