In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
