At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dignity is for republicans.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
