Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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