Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
