I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
