he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
