M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
