you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
