yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
