oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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