Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
