I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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