Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
