At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
