it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
