Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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