I heard we made out
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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