what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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