Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
