just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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