There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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