screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
