if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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