Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
