a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
