I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
