WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
