okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
