420 ftw
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
