Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
