sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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