the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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