I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
