I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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