I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You can't just leave with hair like that
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
