He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you didnt know i had herpes?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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