She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
