but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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