i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
