i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize