we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
