just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
