fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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