The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize