I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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