My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
