I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
