No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
