i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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