I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
