My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
