my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
