forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm really busy with my period
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