I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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